four, five, three

Today I decided to do something that I had never even considered before, I apprehensively took the leap to do something that seemed like the hardest thing in the world.. I took out my piercings. Waking this morning I had three separate piercings in my face; my left nostril, my septum and my middle labret, and going to bed tonight I only have one, my nose ring. While my lip is a little sore at the minute, I can imagine that tomorrow morning, 24 hours after I'd made the initial decision, they'll be no trace of this metal in my face.

I didn't do it of my own accord obviously, I some close friends backing me up and it seems so small but I feel like I'm writing it down so that it is known, because I want everyone to think that me removing the metal from my face is a big deal, because I want everyone to think I'm a big deal.

I'm feeling quite low this evening, (and in feeling low myself I think I've made my family feel quite low. Although I'm hiding up in my room, so I can't tell for certain. This is probably just another example of me wanting everything to revolve around me.) there's probably a culmination of reasons as to why I'm feeling like this:
1. My phone isn't working very well in terms of connection and signal and I'm feeling sorry for myself because it's not even a year old and it frustrates me greatly, which is really just a first world problem.
2. I have an essay due on Wednesday which I haven't started writing and the sheer amount of work is stressing me out, although I actually quite like the topic and the essay title and I'm just too lazy to sit down and actually give it a good start.
 3. I had such an amazing weekend with Iseabail and Kyle and we had so much fun when we went to Wexford with my parents and Jack and Rossy yesterday and I suppose after Iseabail left this morning I was on a come down because I've had so much laughter in my life over the last couple of days.
4. I cleaned my room extensively last week and then I brought an influx of stuff home and I've to find places for it all and the clutter is upsetting me a little too, but I know that once I have all my work in on Wednesday and I'm properly finished for Christmas I can just come home and clean ferociously.

I don't want to end this post on a bad note, because I know if I do and I come back to look at it over the course of my life it'll probably upset me, because I'm so emotional all the time. So because there were four negative things that I needed to vent about, I'm going to list 5 really good things in my lief, because there is always always always something good to be had in everyday. so here it goes:
1. Iseabail bought me a really cute clutch bag for Christmas (even though I haven't gotten her anything yet). It's pink and fluffy and very "baby girl" attire and it's going to go so wonderfully with my new years dress which I'm honestly so so excited for. My entire new years outfit is complete and it's going to so so wonderful ringing in the new year with my best friends again.
2. This semester, all my work (except for a philosophy essay) have been in on time which is a first for me in university which means that I'm improving my time management skills and I'm showing myself (and others) that I am so capable of doing the hard work that it takes to get a university degree.
3. I've started to concoct a plan for next year and while it's scary to be moving on to something new I am so grateful that I have the support of my parents, my family, my boyfriend and my best friends.
4. I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow with Kyle into Dublin city and honestly I'm just really looking forward to getting the people that I love the most gifts that they can open and love over the Christmas period.
5. I am glad that in the last couple of months I have started being open and honest with myself and mainly my Dad about my struggles with food and weight loss, I am glad that I have been blessed with a body that works perfectly and that I am able to do everything I want to do, within reason. I am looking forward to my future journey with myself hoping that I can begin to strive to be the best that I possibly can.

While maybe sometimes I do not want to believe it, the life that I live is a positive one. I want to acknowledge to myself that I have put in a lot of work over my life time, as have my family and friends, to mold me into the woman that I have become and that is reason enough to be positive.

Tonight I need to remind myself three things more things, just because I deserve to know:
1. I am calm.
2. I am sexy.
3. I am awesome.

Thinking of you always,
your daughter who also happens to be (a) magic (wizard) xo