Hi Mum, hows it going..
We're in October now, and while it's my favourite month of the entire year, it is a strange bag of mixed emotions and longing. I celebrate so much in October, there are many birthday's of friends and families that are important to me and obviously there's halloween, which is a big one in my books. And while these are all big events that I share with others, maybe some of the most important things are the ones that I have to journey through by myself.
Every October as the green things turn orange and take their final journey I am reminded of you, and the ending of our time together. For many years I dreaded October, closed myself off from the things that I enjoyed for fear of upsetting you, because every time the number of years that separated us grew a little larger, I felt like we ourselves, you and I, were being separated further.
This year feels a little different, though.
I'm not sure whether it is the work I have been doing on myself, or the ways in which you have reached out to me over the last eighteen months, it might be the place in my life that I have finally crawled on my hands and knees to, or maybe it is because I have recently forgiven us both for not being able to spend more time together, but this October, in complete opposition to all my other October's since 2004, I feel closer to you.
In the grand scheme of things seven years isn't very long to spend in someones life, but of all the people that I have ever lost, you have been the most predominant thus far. And surely that means that in seven years we built and shared something really magic because even now, almost fourteen years later, I still cannot seem to find something that can match it.
Of course I still miss you, I do not doubt that I will miss you everyday for the rest of my life. But I don't feel so scared this year, because maybe for the first time, I am confident that somewhere, in some lifetime, we will spend infinite days together.
This year I will celebrate you, with my friends and our family that you left behind when you decided to take your next adventure, and I will continue to look forward to seeing you on the other side.
I have spoken to you for my entire life, but this time last year I had the decision to document it. So this year, instead of mourning you once, I will be celebrating you twice. I will celebrate my little blog having a first birthday, but most importantly I'll celebrate another birthday of our last moments together.
I'm so glad I belonged to you, even if it was only for a moment..
The little witch who loves you a lot x
