hoping 2018 will be my year x

I guess because it's December it means I have the overwhelming urge to write about myself, more than usual. While it is still very much exam season, i can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel which is refreshing, but also quite frightening. As it is my last set of undergraduate Christmas exams (hopefully), I can feel my peers and friends looking to the future for their plans after college, although I am not quite there yet.

As usual, at a time when I should be looking to the future, I can feel myself reflecting on the past; mostly this passed year and what it brought with it. I'm going to leave a recap here, maybe for you but more for me, so that I can come and look back on 2017 to see how far I have managed to come. 

For me, this year has been about learning how to balance.

Things, people, emotions, relationships, health, work, education, morals and responsibilities. 

I'd spent so many years (mainly in my mid-teens) wanting to present as older, look older and be older. I imagine that this stemmed from being treated as an adult from a young age, I was very lucky to have been treated like an equal by the adults in my life, but I feel like as a repercussion of this, I was lulled into a false sense of security about what being an adult entailed of and for me, combining regular independent employment and being separated for my parents for long periods of time, 2017 was the first year that I was forced into being an adult. 

I have learned a lot about myself and humanity as a whole over the last 12 months. I have met some of the most wonderful people and discovered that some of the people that I always perceived to be wonderful actually aren't. I have dyed my hair more than the average person will over the course of their entire life and I have almost watched the whole of Gossip Girl, twice. 

Through working as a fundraiser I have learned that a tough shell is necessary, I have learned that everybody carries their own, often heavy, emotional trauma and I have met some of the most amazing, selfless and understanding people. 

Through Litsoc I have learned that it is important to be patient with myself when it comes to writing, I have learned to be a team mate, but most importantly, I have learned that sometimes losing the thing you think you want to most isn't always a bad thing. 

I have moved out of my parents house only to go back with my tail between my legs, I have fought countless amounts of times with my siblings and still be encouraged by their constant love and support. I have put on weight, lost the weight and then put it back on again. I have experienced a new city and revisited one that I knew when I was small. I have heard a man be shot dead 15 metres away from where I was standing; twice in the head, once in the heart. 

I have walked away from things, only to walk straight back into them. 

I have forgiven myself and other people, on countless occasions. 

I have given advice that I would never follow and I have followed advice that I would never give. 

I'm still growing, 

I'm still learning,

and as always, I'm still missing you. 

Hoping that 2018 will be my year, for once. 

You're friendly neighborhood adult wizard xo