It's definitely the warmest summer that I've ever been alive for.. and for a "big girl", temperatures like this can be a little cruel. I wanted to come on and let you know how I'm coping, both physically and mentally.
In my life coaching* session the other day, one of the exercises included pondering over the things that give you good energy and take good energy from you, (which was really insightful!) but I was amazed, after I had documented all the negative things that took my energy from me, just how many centered around my perception of my body and how much I seemed to dislike it.
I have a nice tan line along my forehead as a result from having a fringe and as a result of this, my dreams of wearing a large hair band to keep my face and head cool is just that, a dream.. Although Sarah has saved my life with her "bicycle shorts to prevent chub rub" trick, I am still struggling to find a way to reduce boob sweat and I would greatly appreciate some pointers if anyone has any.
Kyle and I have recently started watching Love Island, and while I openly live for any form of drama that doesn't involve me, these beautiful girls and their gorgeous summer bodies aren't doing much for my self confidence. Working in the sun for long hours is also difficult, because I am caught somewhere in between 'wanting to be comfortably cool and not overly sweaty' and 'wanting to be comfortable in what I am wearing in relation to the body parts I am showing'.
For me, it has been difficult to try and enjoy things like summer dresses or the beach or even ice-cream, without having this feeling in the back of my head that people are disgusted by me because I do not resemble the young women the reality TV show that focuses around ridiculously attractive people trying to find compatibility to be in with the chance of winning £50,000.
My homework from my life coaching session was to challenge myself to dispel the negative comments in my head in which I am comparing myself to others in everyday life. So while the girl that I singed up to Amnesty last week had a "desirable" thigh gap; my legs are strong and steady and can carry me wherever I want to go.
The people around me and the people that matter want me to be happy and healthy, for my own benefit and not for aesthetic reasons.
You'll probably also be happy to know that the shorts I bought for my Madrid holiday and didn't like, miraculously look amazing on me now that its twenty three degrees everyday and I have nothing to wear. While I am still a little nervous/embarrassed to be out in the public wearing things that push my boundaries and force me into self love, if I can inspire or even comfort one other "big girl" this summer I will have done myself proud, and probably you proud as well, Mum.
I'll leave you with a new concept that I have created for myself in order to remember my self worth and just how wonderful I really am;
If me being _____ (fat, chubby, over-weight, big, plump, heavy) is the worst thing that I, or other's, can think or say about me, then I must be doing something right as a person.
I am as wonderful as everybody else out there, I just might be a little sweatier in the heat..
Your Daughter, who is a little sweaty, but determined to enjoy the sunshine xo
*I am not having a mid mid-life crisis, don't worry! I am a guinea pig for my auntie Siobhan in her newest life adventure!
*but if you are having a mid-life crisis you can hit her up.
*also happy birthday Siobhan xo
No comments:
Post a Comment